It's Ivan's first day at his new school, and Boris is told to look after him, and translate for him, because Ivan can only speak Russian. After all, St Edmund's is a civilized school. Only problem is, Ivan isn't civilized. So when Ivan starts greeting people as `lowly shivering worms', and asking for words in English like `crush' and `mutilate', Boris realises that he's going to have his work cut out for him. And that's just the start of the day . . .